Dear Martha

Hi Martha. How is Heaven? We sure miss you here. You had a beautiful service today. I know how you didn't want a funeral and it wasn't one. It really was a celebration of your life. Kate MC'd and shared some stories of how you conducted scientific studies on her, including finding out what would happen if she believed that ring worms were radioactive. I hadn't heard that one before and it made me laugh. Mom was amazing. She was steady as a rock, like she always is, but she shared her vulnerability with everyone there and you could see in her face and hear in her voice how much she loves you, how you were not just her sister but also her friend and how sad she is that you're gone. Sara spoke about how cool and fun you were and how she always wanted to ride in your car when you went to St. Cloud. Mary Jo told stories about your youth together. I remembered the story about swimming in the quarry and you leaving your bra in Mary Jo's dad's car that you two had "borrowed", only to have it be found by her mom! It was fun to hear her tell it again and know that I heard it before while you were still there, interjecting little pieces and laughing a lot. Everybody talked about how you made them feel special. You laughed at everyone's jokes and made them think they were funny. You cared for people, helped them calm down when they were scared, cleaned up a lot of barf and gave so many the gift of sight - both literally and metaphorically. Dr. Bennett and Mary Evans talked about how steady you always were; how knowledgeable and skilled and ready to help and oriented toward the most important goal of caring for your patients. When Mary Evans asked who had been mentored by you, so many hands went up that there was an audible gasp in the chapel as we were all so impressed.

I was touched by how many people were there. They came from all over and every part of your life. They came to remember you and they came to support us. It was very special. Terri sang Blackbird with Vin playing guitar and I sang Bist Du Bei Mir. I was nervous that I wouldn't get through it and that my voice would crack or I would start crying, but I knew how important that song was to you and Fred and I made it. I was pretty proud of myself and I feel like I can still see you cheering me on and telling me I can do it. Coco spoke, too, and she was so wonderful. She talked about you being kind and supportive and having the heart of a servant of both humanity and the Lord. She's always been such a good writer and able to put her thoughts and emotions into words that everyone around her can feel. I was a little irked at Kate and Margaret - the producers - for putting me right after her. Fred spoke second to last and told us how much he loves you, how proud he was of you every day for the past 18 years and how much he misses you. The very best part was the last, though, where you spoke to us. Mom played a video she took of you, her and Fred in Captiva around this time last year. She asked about your day and what your favorite and least favorite things were. You said how wonderful life is and how grateful you were to be able to spend it with the people you love. I know you didn't want to have everyone cry at your service, but we couldn't help it when you spoke such beautiful, true and poignant words.

Tonight I was brushing my teeth and washing my face as I got ready for bed and it finally hit me that you're gone. I just miss you so much, Martha. I miss having you around to spend time with and to laugh with. You really had the best laugh. John hugged me while I cried but then he asked me if I knew where you are. I looked up at him and he pointed to my heart and said, "here." You're in my heart, you're in his heart, you're in Mom's and Dad's and my sisters' and the hearts of all the Mooses. You're in the hearts of your friends, your coworkers, your mentees. You're in Fred's heart and in Scout's.

I know you were there today with us so you don't really need me to recap it for you, but it feels good to do, so thanks for bearing with me. I have a feeling you like to hear it. John said Val videotaped the service, so if you want to rewatch it, you might be able to get it from her. I don't know the logistics of that, but I'm pretty sure that you could figure it out.

Thank you for always, always being there for me. You showed me how to be an aunt, how to be another mom. You taught me songs like What Makes the Lightening, Flea Fly and Tell Me Why that someday I'll sing to my kids. You showed me what it feels like to have someone support and love you and cheer you on constantly and unconditionally. I want to do that, too. I want to pass on the lessons I learned from you to the people in my life now and the people who will be in my life someday in the future. I'm sad that you won't meet my children, but I'll tell them all about you and how special you were. How special you are. I miss you, but I do still feel your presence and I think I always will. You are so loved in this world and I know you are even more in the next.

Love always,

Your niece Erica