The Depths Of Human Kindness

My friend Mandy wrote a great post on her blog My Life As Mandy... With Epilepsy today. Her question was, is epilepsy really a blessing in disguise? She said yes. A lot of people told her she was wrong and that epilepsy is a curse, a black spot on the face of life, but I agree with her with every fiber of my soul.

Diagnosed at age seven, I don't remember a time without seizures, tests, doctor visits and handfuls of pills. Sometimes it felt like my life was an exercise in silver linings, but I can honestly say that if I could rewrite it, I wouldn't change a thing. For me, epilepsy has been a blessing; it's taught me more about what it means to be human than anything else I've ever experienced. Epilepsy is part of who I am, it's shaped me into the person I am today.

Having a disorder like epilepsy makes me see the world differently; I'm more aware of and sensitive to the difficulties others face, I'm more attuned to the heartbeat of the earth and I can tell you it's strong. The world is full of people who each have burdens, weights on their shoulders that at times feel unbearable. Some are loud, some are silent. Some are mad, some are scared, some are hopeful. Some endure the bad as a shadow over their life, some spend every day seeking the good in their lot. Some feel cheated, some feel grateful.

I've always had a roof over my head; I've never been hungry; I've never feared for my life; I've never smelled death in the streets. I can't imagine how life must be for so many in our world, the pain and hardships they've experienced. But when I hear of the people who never lose faith, who strive for more, strive for happiness, I am awestruck, I am inspired.

The cross I bear is a pocket charm compared to many, but it is the depths of human kindness that never ceases to amaze me. No matter the size of your burden, no matter the cause or kind, there are people watching and waiting to give you their hand. We are never truly alone. None of us. We are connected by life, energy, spirit; we come from the same beginnings and we go to the same ends. It might not always feel like it, there are times we all feel lonely, misunderstood, even abandoned, but reach out your hand and it will meet the same flesh that covers you, the same blood that runs through your veins. This is what epilepsy has taught me.

Each time I reach inward, I am amazed at the strength I find within myself. Each time I look up, I am amazed by the strength of those around me; their love and support feeds me, sustains me. Maybe I would have figured that out a different way, but in this life, it is my journey with epilepsy that has given me no choice but to search myself and search the world and what I find, every day, every minute, every second, touches my soul. For this, I am eternally grateful.

I once wrote here that my surgery was a perfect storm of Grace. I was wrong. It is my life that continues to be the perfect storm of Grace.