Sunday, March 11, 2012

Never Thought The Day Would Come

A glass of water sat on a ceramic coaster on the nightstand in my old room. I reached for the dark yellow bottle on the dresser next to it, turning the white cap emblazoned with the Walgreen's logo and tipping one oval pill into my palm. One pill. Not two, but one. A smile played on my lips as I thought to myself, it's really happening.

That was two nights ago. Earlier in the day, I sat in one of the two chairs opposite a large desk from my neurologist. We talked about me and John moving back to Minneapolis a few days before, my new job as a Business Analyst at Target that I start on Monday, the headaches I still get, though they're becoming less frequent, how much my hair has grown back over the past year, the fact that I'm still seizure-free. I held my breath and crossed my fingers as I asked the question I'd come for: "Dr. So said that if I made it a year without having a seizure, I could wean off of my Vimpat. Do you think I can start that?"

She paused a moment, a thoughtful look on her face as it searched my medical records on her computer screen for any reason I shouldn't. "Okay."

Relief, joy, disbelief flooded me all at once and I couldn't help the smile on my face as I said, "I honestly never in my life thought this day would come."

I won't be completely off of the drug for a month, but every day I get closer, I have more and more energy, the way I did seven months ago when I got off of my Lyrica, but this time it's even more noticeable. I'm still on Lamictal XR every night and probably will be for the rest of my life, but I'm fine with that. I always figured that liver failure was what would eventually take me one day, but now I really feel I can let that go. I'm gonna be okay.

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