Creeping Insecurities

Six months ago yesterday I had my last seizure. I never thought I would say that. I really didn't. This milestone - half a year - brings me both calm and fear. I feel reassured having stayed seizure-free for so long, affirmed in my belief of success, trusting of my body. But what if my body betrays me? Over the past week or so, I've been getting strange sensations in my hand. Mostly it just feels weak, but it reminds me of what I used to feel as part of what I called a "micro-seizure". The past few mornings have brought with them a feeling in my head almost like a cd skipping; I turn my head but the scene takes a split moment to catch up, leaving me on edge, reminded of a feeling I used to get. What if it didn't work? What if these last six months have just been a vacation and real life is waiting for me around the corner? I'm terrified. I'm exhausted from worrying, testing, cutting, recovering, and worrying some more. Will it ever really be over? When will this fear that waits in the wings and grabs me like a vice leave? I pray over and over every day that the seizures really are gone; I pray for comfort and assurance and peace. I ask God to keep me safe and dispel the small, sharp, creeping insecurities that prey on my mind like a parasite. Please, please let it have worked. I've come so far, please don't take it away.