Productive Member of Society

I've been thinking a lot about jobs lately. I'm trying to figure out when I should go back to work. When is it time to rejoin the workforce and become a productive member of society?

I feel like my mind is sound and I can perform most tasks, but my stamina is still so low that I need to either nap or take some quiet time everyday. But which of my reasons are valid and which are just excuses? Am I really ready to go back to work or should I trust how I feel? Even if I do trust how I feel, how much longer do I stay in this stage where I spend my days writing, napping, learning how to take care of myself again and only sleeping on my right? I wish I had the answers; I hate that I don't.

The thought of going back to work fills me with so much anxiety. I don't know my mental limitations yet and don't know how far I can stretch my attention span before I glaze over from too much stimulation. Finding those limits as I start and learn a new job scares me. How is that going to hamper my ability to perform? What if I'm bad at it? I think that's the real question at the root of it: what if I'm bad at it? My confidence in my ability is shaky at best, and having that confidence smashed by under-performing or getting yelled at by a boss sounds awful. I've come so far as a person since last October that anything that could possibly de-rail me and send me back to the person I used to be terrifies me.

I guess the question is: how do I know when I'm ready to go back to work?